Hole 3: Pebble Beach Perspectives

“I never played a round where I didn’t learn something new about the game.” – Ben Hogan

Some holes don’t just ask for your best swing, they ask for grace. Hole 3 is that kind of challenge. Inspired by Pebble Beach, where beauty meets unpredictability, it’s the kind of course that reminds you how even the most breathtaking views can come with wind you didn’t see coming.

I'll start this post with a confession. It took me a while to sit down and write this one. Life’s been moving fast lately. I started a new job not long ago, and the free time I once had to write, post, and ideate around The Back Nine has felt a little more limited. On top of that, I’ve been navigating the rollercoaster that is social media, trying to stay on trend, chasing the right audios, wondering why one reel flops while another “goes viral.” Somewhere along the way, I found myself measuring too much and enjoying too little.

But here’s the thing. I started The Back Nine for joy. For the love of the game. To bring people into this chapter of life that’s about reflection, growth, and making the most of every swing. And even I have to remind myself of that, especially when I find myself playing the comparison game. Some creators have more time, more gear, more polish and that’s amazing for them. But I’m here with what I’ve got, sharing what I can, and if you’re reading this, then you’re part of that story too. So, thank you!

Now, onto what I really wanted to talk about on this hole- relationships. The ones that drifted in and out of our lives like that marine layer on a Pebble Beach morning. The ones we thought were forever, and the ones that never stood a chance.

Relationships, like golf, are unpredictable. One day you're walking hand-in-hand down the fairway, the next you're in the rough, wondering how you ended up there. And when it's over, we do what any golfer would; we replay every moment. Should I have gone for the green? Should I have laid up? Was I even playing the same game?

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: you can’t rewrite the round. You can only make peace with how you played it.

If you were raised in the 90s or early 2000s, like me, then let’s be honest: we were set up to believe in happily ever after. The R&B music of our era? Unreal. It didn’t just sing about love, it BELIEVED in love. That deep, heart-on-your-sleeve, handwritten-notes kind of love. The kind you swore was out there just waiting for you.

Brian McKnight was counting 6, 8, 12 and then starting Back at One. Usher was confessing things we probably didn’t need to know. Tevin just wanted to talk for a minute, and Boyz II Men took us through every season of loneliness. And don’t get me started on the boy bands. Perfect harmonies, dramatic rain-soaked music videos, arms reaching into the void like love was slipping away in slow motion. How were we not supposed to believe in soulmates? Justin has been mine since 1997, sorry Jess.

Add to that the golden age of teen angst dramas- Joey chose Pacey, Lorelai married Luke, Lucas and Peyton drove off in The Comet. And then there was Meredith Grey, the original Pick Me girl, begging McDreamy with those six unforgettable words: “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” The one who ruined us all. And he did choose her, at least for 11 seasons, and then we were all a little wrecked.

And when love didn’t go our way, the women of the early 2000s picked us right back up- TLC, Beyonce, Kelly, Mary J. It was ok to say we didn’t want No Scrubs, that we were Independent Women, and a man should know A Woman’s Worth, and ultimately…that we wanted No More Drama.

I’ve said before, I don’t always wear my heart on my sleeve. But when it comes to love, I’m a big-time romantic. Grand gestures, burned mixed CDs, playlists perfectly curated with intention. If you ever got a LimeWire burned CD or a Spotify shared playlist from me, trust me, every lyric meant something. And yes, I was that girl with an AIM away message full of moody song lyrics, broadcasting my emotional state to whoever cared to check.

Looking back, I think I was often chasing something, maybe an idea of what love was supposed to be. Maybe I thought if I loved hard enough, they’d change. That they’d see me differently. That I’d somehow be enough. The truth is, I wasn’t always in love with them, I was in love with the hope of what could be. And that’s not love. In hindsight, none of those relationships would have worked. Except for maybe one or two. But most? No way. And I’ve made peace with that.

So where does that leave me now?

Well, for one, the music isn’t the same, and maybe that’s why a lot of new songs are using samples of the classics, or you're now reeling in your Morgan Wallen era. That’s why middle schoolers all over the country are singing Keyshia Cole’s “Love” in every TikTok video, a song that dropped when their parents were still doing shots in low-lit bars.

And me? I’m currently single. Not NOT searching, but it’s not my main priority. Would I like a relationship? Yes. Will I swipe left and right? Occasionally. Do I need the relationship? No. At least not right now. I’m in a good spot. I’m spending more time with my family, which is exactly why I moved back to California. I’ve got my San Diego people and my best friends sprinkled across the country. We have an epic trip coming up in a couple of months. We make the effort for each other, and I love that. I’ve got a few other amazing trips on the books this year and of course, I’m squeezing in as much golf as possible. Life also feels lighter now that the job search is behind me, and I can just enjoy all those things.

Some might say I should be “settled” by now. But honestly? I feel more settled than ever. And I think a lot of women my age are waking up to the same realization. We’re not boxed in by old timelines anymore. I’ve got married friends, some married with kids. Friends single and thriving. Friends divorced and rebuilding. And no one’s story is the same. Nor should it be.

The truth is your journey is yours. The decisions you made were the best you could make with what you knew. Relationships leave their mark, sure. We carry them like yardage books, dog-eared, scribbled with notes, reminding us what to look out for next time. And while we might still wince thinking about that one wild swing, we were doing our best with what we had.

And now? We get to step up to the next tee with a little more wisdom and a little more grace. Don’t worry, I’m still the hopeless romantic, and it’ll all come together when the time is right.

I hope you enjoyed this one. I'll definitely be adding some classic jams to my posts this month. If you need a playlist with all the classics, or if you want to be nostalgic and share your favorite 90s/2000s artists or songs, drop a comment!

See you on the next tee!

#LiveTheGamePlayTheLife

(My latest trip to Pebble including views of the 18th hole)